"Fast is the default, not the reward. Slow down only for a reason you can name."
The default is minimum wall-clock time
Dad's fleet-level preference is simple: get it done fast. So independent targets run fully in parallel by default. Nine machines that don't depend on each other update at the same time, not one after another. The presumption is concurrency; serialization is the thing you have to justify.
Serialize only for a real reason
There are exactly three reasons to run something in order rather than at once: a true dependency (target B genuinely needs target A finished first), an explicit preference (Dad says do it this way), or the control-plane host updating itself. Absent one of those, parallel is correct — and inventing a reason to serialize is just spending wall-clock time you didn't have to.
Safety without theater
Safety checks earn their place by doing real work: blocking invalid targets, detecting a shared failure before it repeats across the fleet. What they should not do is impose canary-then-wave-then-soak choreography on every campaign by reflex. Ceremony that doesn't reduce real risk isn't safety — it's latency in a safety costume. Match the caution to the actual danger, the same way risk classes match ceremony to blast radius.
The office-last exception
The one principled serialization worth naming: a control-plane host can't safely reboot itself out from under the very campaign it's running, so it updates after its peers. That's not a ritual — it's a genuine dependency, because the campaign needs its own control plane to survive long enough to finish. Every other serialization should point at a dependency just as concrete, or it doesn't belong.